Window of my Color TV

That is how I feel, this is how I feel every time I talk to sean. Every. Single. Time. I don’t know what it is, maybe I have too many expectations for people, maybe I’m just an angry person. I just have a soft spot for people; I can’t say no, so when someone you really have been trying to avoid asks you to skype and you know there life is going horribly, I’m on it. I knew what was going down too, but I was curious if it really was what I thought. When a certain person drunk dials your ex when you’re in what I guess you could say “a compromising position” and that is the reason the drunk dialer left in the first place. Thirty minutes later after drunk dialer walks upstairs, you hear a vibrate, it’t your phone. Of course. This text message of course has no point and when you know the ex isn’t seeing anyone and is not doing too great and wants to skype, how can you say no? UGHHH it’s a trap bitch. It’s not even too much of what I can put my finger on, just like I guess it is that I expect one thing and get something else, something subpar. I guess I have that problem with a lot of people though, so many people are so subpar. Sean is just a different level, I just ask myself how this shit happens, we could be such great friends, but now not if things keep going the same way. I just need to say no once in a while, especially for someone who isn’t even your real friend, someone you don’t talk to but once or twice a month. Thats all.

I love this show so much, it’s so damn funny. This bitch got huge tits from this guy who basically put water balloons in her chest. This other douche took too many of his E.D. meds. It is the funniest show ever, although sometimes it makes me want to puke. I also learned that E.D. makes men have low self esteem. The End

People need to learn how to take care of themselves. If you are an upper classmen you should probably be mature enough to be on your own. People who don’t know how to fend for themselves piss me off especially if you’re in college, my roommate can’t even get herself in bed at a reasonable time to be able to wake up for class. I am one of the most mature people I know and I handle myself perfectly fine. It makes me even more angry when people complain about it. Dear world if you do something to yourself and it is 100% your fault I don’t want to hear you bitch about it. Love Megan I waste enough of my energy on shit I don’t need to because my friends are worried about it. Just because I help my friends out and give them sympathy when they need it but I don’t wanna hear your bitching because you can’t take care of yourself especially if tyre being a dick to me. Thank you. The end.

When you’re living your life, well, that’s the price you pay

Whenever I breathe out, you’re breathing in

This is going to be completely random because i feel the need to mention the fact that IM COLDER THAN TITTIES ON JAMBOREE but I have to pee really bad so its a dilemma because I will defs not pee in my bed. Dylan, I blame you. Also I am super excited because I was invited to a furry convention to spend the night in a super fancy hotel room so of course I’m gonna go. I am so excited, only 4 months. I have currently decided it is too clod to go on and I am going to hide under my blankrt and listen to Brand New and hopefully have great dreams about Jesse Lacey or even Vinnie Acardi. So I will leave you with this

So you tried to put a fire out, but you used gasoline.
and when the congregation gathered round’ 
you were screaming “it wasn’t me”
so there’s a sickness that is going round’ 
but no ones got a vaccine.
I think your drowning in holy water
I think it’s time we all come clean.

PS if my name was Lacey and I married Jesse Lacey I would be Lacey Marie Lacey, that would just suck balls but I still have a chance with him

I’ve spent way more time than needed with my father lately and it has made me realize the actual reasons why I dislike him. The biggest reason: he is a vocal pessimist, I say this because I don’t mind pessimists, I consider myself a pessimist, but he is one of those people that complains about EVERYTHING. When I say EVERYTHING, I mean everything. Every single place we go there is a complaint about something, even stuff that doesn’t matter, such as a lot of cars at a stoplight “hunh, I knew this would happen” well if you were so concerned about traffic why did you take a busy road. It’s always the noise he makes that gets me, its “huh” but it has a quiet “n” and almost a “t” at the end, it pisses me off to no extent. There is also the fact that I never hear the end of the complaining, today is Christmas and I heard so many damn complaints from him that I want to shoot myself. The main fact is that I dislike my dad because he is not a good person and has become a cranky old man, it seems he has nothing to live for but he keeps on kicking. He has a horrible dog that always jumps on me, breaks things and gives me bruises when I come over, this dog has zero training whatsoever and I can’t stand the damn thing. I get so frustrated with my dad sitting there complaining about everything that comes to mind that I just have to sit in my room staring at the wall to calm myself, and I’m not even joking. People who complain about everything, lie about everything (especially dumb shit like illnesses, mental or physical), people who only talk about how badass they are or their drug usage, and hypocrites are really the only things that actually piss me off, if you are one of those then I probably hate you and you should not talk to me ever.

And that is why I dislike my father, in case you were wondering.

Children!! It’s Christmas Eve!!! This bloggity will probably be kinda sad but will have a happy ending, I promise. Today, as always, my family has a get together at my aunts house where we eat appetizers, drink wine and the mix drink of the night. It’s really relaxing and laid back although my aunt gets super worked up about it every year and always has too many people over the morning of the event and it is hugely chaotic, and of course being the daughter she never had, I’m always there. 

This year I went over two and a half hours early (which isn’t bad considering other years), and most of the stuff was done besides the actual baking part so my Aunt Alice (hostess), my Aunt Linda, my Cousin Sarah and I sat around drinking chocolate wine for a few hours, bullshitting. My cousin Sarah is one of the most beautiful people I have ever met, she is somewhere around 30 now, a successful Chemical Engineer who relies on only herself, apparently she has a really hot boyfriend though. That’s besides the point, this whole time my aunt Alice is getting anxious for this get together, being hyper-active and shit. At 4:30, My aunt is going our of her mind, my Uncle Greg (Aunt Linda’s husband) has arrived from Toronto and my grandma has also let herself in. My Cousin Scott, Grand-Dad, and Uncle Bruce (Aunt Alice’s Husband) are in the basement watching some sort of game. My Aunt Carol and Uncle Al have yet to arrive with the three youngest members of our family, my cousins Cassidy (almost 11), Greg (7 or 8) and Caitlyn (6).

At 4:40 the doorbell rings and I peek around the corner to see two small children bombarding my aunt through the glass doorway, of course, I run from the kitchen table to the front door as fast as I can to help out and hug the kids. After the bags of presents are under the tree and the platter of food set on the counter, I gather in the foyer with my aunt Carol’s family, my aunt and I turn to each other at the precise moment for me to see the expression on her face once she got a good look at me.

“You look so beautiful,” she said to me, it almost reduced me to tears. I haven’t seen her in so long, she has always been my favorite person and someone I look up to. Hearing that from her with the way she said it basically melted my heart in a way it never has before. She didn’t look to great, ever since she moved out of Michigan and away from the family she’s been sick frequently and homesick nonstop. Not to mention she has struggled with an eating disorder ever since I can remember, this is under the table though. The fact is, ever since her family moved out to Arizona and now to Florida, her family and my family have both been falling apart. Our families were so tight knit that my aunt Carol was my mom’s best friend and my brother and I saw our little cousins every weekend. Now every year my mom gets a little crazier, my aunt gets a little skinnier and we all get a little farther apart. 

My Cousin Cassidy (my favorite cousin) used to have such a beautiful, genuine, quirky personality now is slowly becoming a bit more generic. She’s gained a lot of weight for a kid and told me about how she never remembered seeing snow before this week. She is going to a Christian school and is hours away from being “that bible thumper” that is very overly religious. I’ve never been a person to focus on physical appearance but I have also seen girls ripped apart in Middle School for being overweight. She used to be SO cute, so pretty. She was the most gorgeous 8 year old when she moved. I really feel like they would be so much better off by their family in Michigan, but that really is not my say. I was afraid she wouldn’t remember too much of me and her since she was so young but I’m still her favorite person, luckily. I just remember how hard Middle School was for me and want to do everything I can for her to have a good experience. 

When the day was done and my brother and I made it in back of the car to my dad’s house, cracking jokes at my mom the whole way there. Me and my brother are the best of friends sometimes, so of course teaming up against mom is the right choice. We get to dad’s house in great time and we bust in the door and attack my dad with hugs, which really bothers him. We piled our backpacks into our rooms, got ourselves something to drink and immediately went to the presents. 

“Is that all you guys think about? Wait an hour.” Dad said in his Gary voice and this was not acceptable to me and my brother, we look at each other and flawlessly start jumping up and down and flapping our sleeves saying “PRESENT TIME PRESENT TIME PRESENT TIME!!!” You know the thought of two full grown kids doing this in harmony is damn hilarious, my dad couldn’t help but laugh and without a doubt we got to open our presents right away. 

This brings me to another point, you guys know my brother, but I am 100% positive you have never seen the side to him that I want to spend all my time with. My brother is really shy and a tad socially awkward, but once you become friends with him, he is the funniest kid you will ever meet, he cracks me up all day long. He is also the smartest kid I’ve ever been close to (Jake Gotts is the smartest kid I’ve KNOWN), he is just all around the best person I know. I love him to death, literally. There is not a single person in this world I will ever love more than my brother, I don’t think I will love my husband (if i get married) as much as I love my brother. I really hope that I never have to live without him, if my mom only did one thing right in her life, it was that she raised my brother and I to be so close. I hope that my brother lives a super happy life when he gets older, I could not have possibly gotten a better brother.

I am wearing a bra that is black with rainbow hearts on it and it reminds me of bunnies and rainbows hopping around together with smiles and everything happy in the whole wide world together in one happy bra and it makes me smile. That’s my happy ending.

THE END

My ex-boyfriend has been writing fuel for a few good short stories now. It has been almost a year since we broke up and I can seriously say he has impacted my outlook on life so much more than anyone I have ever met. I would never want to date him again, but he got me thinking about my other ex, we’ll call him meth. I dated this kid for 19 months and he has never once inspired me in any way. I once was in love with this guy, if we were ten years older when we dated, we’d probably be married. Thinking about it now I would be living an incomplete life. I know so many guys who want a girlfriend just to have a girlfriend, because they’re lonely or because they’ve never had one before. This doesn’t end well, you need to date someone because they make you want to better yourself or because there is something in them that you can’t stand to be away from them, the second would most likely be something that comes later on, but if you see something in someone, that’s why you should date them. Not because you’re horny or because you’re lonely, because you’re going to hurt them or yourself. Everyone will die alone, as much as everyone would love a Notebook ending, it won’t happen. It’s depressing, but only if you look at it that way. 

Love and marriage is a whole different story, love means something different to everyone and love could be a big deal to one person and something that isn’t as big a deal to the significant other, there is no way that can end well. There are so many differences in the world it’s almost a miracle anyone can find another person, or maybe everyone becomes the same person as they get older, everyone’s feelings morph into a generic thing so people can just match up with anyone and be happy, have kids, ect. I know one thing, The Wedding Singer is my example of love and I will never marry someone until I feel that way about them and they feel that way about me. Divorce just isn’t for me. I think that the world needs to be happier being with themselves, instead of pretending they’re happy with any random person. And if two guys or two women feel the right way about each other they have more of a right to marry each other than two people who don’t want to be alone.

The human race is so utterly strange. Everything revolves around two things, perfection and that dirty, smelly, torn up piece of cloth thats in your wallet, and, really, money is considered perfection. Stop. QUICK what is your version of the perfect adult life? I bet one of the first things that came to your mind is a big house or a nice car. This isn’t my point though, my point is perfection. 

Looking at myself in the mirror I look at the imperfections; the hyper-pigmentation, the seven scars, six caused by cystic acne, the other from a cat (but that’s a different story), there’s also a few scabs located around my hairline, my eyebrows are slightly uneven, one of my eyes sags a little more than the other and I have the beginning of forehead wrinkles. On more than one occasion, just looking in the mirror and noticing these imperfections has reduced me to tears. 

Since then I have learned to love myself, many people say that but don’t, I actually do. I will admit that there are certain qualities i dislike about myself, like the fact that i wear a size 7 pants and that I am easily intimidated by big tasks and that intelligence means so much to me to the point I won’t date someone who I consider smarter than me. I plan to change these during the next year though. 

The point of this rant really comes down to the fact that America, and, really, the whole world is such a beautiful place and people are so caught up with being jealous of other people that it is ridiculous, I know so many people who hate me because they are jealous of me (that sounds conceded but hear me out), these people really are good, beautiful people on the inside but are overtaken by jealousy that they become someone who no one recognizes.

I had this best friend one time, now we don’t talk. Her and I used to have so much fun together just driving around, I would do anything for her, then she discovered attention, she fucked up her life in order to get attention now she lies to almost everyone and won’t talk to me because she thinks I’m going to steal her boyfriend.

There is nothing special about me, I’m not that great looking, not any more physically attractive than the majority of the population and my personality is not any different than most people my age. The only difference between me and most girls I know is that I actually love myself. I am not afraid to be weird as hell in public and when people judge me I don’t give a fuck, this is the only thing that is different and it has made a huge difference in my life. Try it out sometime

You’re sitting there and you get a Facebook pop from someone (someone you’re not particularly on good terms with). This person pops you about half the time you see them online and it’s the same five lines;

douchebag: hey there

you: hi

douchebag: how are you?

you: im okay what about you?

douchebag: im doing okay but blah blah blah

Then you continue to chat about the same bullshit about how he’s sick and blah blah blah. Okay here’s a lesson, How Not to Be a Bitch

1) a) You have a choice be friends or not be friends. b) If you want to be friends how about you seriously inquire about someone’s life before spilling your sob story, if you don’t wanna be friends then you’re doing everything fine.

2) If you care about someone show it, whether it be your friend or something more, if you don’t care then you might want to refer yourself to part 1a. 

3) Be nice, if you can’t figure this one out, just kill yourself.

And if you need further advice as to how to keep in touch, luckily I have time on my hands;

1) Text the person you want to keep in touch, it creates the illusion of caring when you don’t have to

2) When the person calls you, you should probably answer and at least chit chat

3) Make time for the person

4) Hang out 

If you can’t handle these things you are probably a person who has no friends or at least you can be safe knowing that one person hates you. That person may be me.

i stole this from erik because i needed a break from studying.

Open up your iTunes & fill out this survey, no matter how embarassing the responses might be.

How many songs total: 5244

How many hours or days of music: 15 days.

Sort By Song Title

First Song:   None Shall Pass- Aesop Rock

Last Song:  Techno Trance Hardcore- Ravers Fantasy Full Energy <= only because the artist is in the song part not the artist part

Sort By Time
Shortest Song: I have like 50 million intros and outros and shit but the real song is It Clouded Fully- The Arcade Fire, never listened to it

the second shortest is: Wild Honey Pie- The Beatles

Longest Song: Palms Out Sound of Summer- Foamo, hahah one hour and 3 minutes

Sort By Album
First Album: A.M. - Wilco
Last Album: (500) Days of Summer Soundtrack

Top Five Most Played Songs 

1. Tautou- Brand New
2. The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot- Brand New
3. Epiphany- Staind
4. Gravity - Sara Bareilles
5. Your Own Disaster ‘04- Taking Back Sunday

First Song That Comes Up On Shuffle: Stacey’s Mom- Fountains of Wayne

Search The Following & State How Many Songs Come Up:
Death - 73 
Life - 54
Love - 185
Hate - 23
You - 593

Sex - 8

So I’m sitting here in my snuggie studying for my final that commences in one hour and ten minutes, and I’m reading over this article about how race doesn’t exist. DOESN’T EXIST. I’m all for equality buttttt race does exist people are identified by different traits which we learned about earlier in the year, now they’re all “oh jk we don’t wanna group people in races because we already pissed off the christians by finding out everyone is from Africa LOLLOLLOLOLOLLIEKOMG” IT DOES EXIST!! THERE ARE CLASSES MY FRIENDS ARE IN THAT SPECIFY ON RACE. You can’t just deny that you can classify people by their looks, ethnicity and heritage. Jesus H Christ. I’m done with school I’m gonna drop out and become a prostitute. In short, I hate everyone, also my chemistry teacher is a bitch. Dear Prof. Geiger, you’re a dick. No one in their right mind should have to study for a 40 question multiple choice question test that you can chose from A through J for an answer. Mother Fucker. I understand you want us to know the material but that is just dumb. The End I Hate You.

Look around the room, to your left, sitting contently in a chair adjacent to you, your roommate with short, strawberry blond hair. Next to you on the futon, about ten inches away, you other roommate, a girl with striking long, dark hair. Slender but not quite skinny in a blue and white poncho at least three sizes too big falling off of her. Her favorite piece of clothing bought in Mexico. Everyone is such a tragedy. The three of you a mess crammed into a small room all in front of the tv. Crying. Your dark haired roommate, tears streaming down her face silently. This is the person you’ve become closest to in a long time. The other girl, face in hands, lets out a loud sob. Everyone is such a tragedy. 

Your problems overwhelm you and more tears come from those little tiny tear ducts in the inner corners of your eyes. Salty water filled with who knows what running down the face that you try so hard to keep acne free. You can’t help but think if your tears are in fact face-safe. Even at times like these, culture has shaped you so much. You must be happy. You must be pretty. You must be nice. Skinny. Lightly Tanned. You must be perfect. These are the things you tried not to think about, these are the things you specifically forgot about. 

You hug your dark haired roommate, after all she has much more of a reason to cry then anyone in this room, and just as you thought of this she spoke of it,

“I can’t believe my mom is making me kill it,”she sobbed even harder, and you returned the emotion. You both had become so attached to her not-yet-baby. The both of you, so composed, finally lost it. The room filled with the sound of everyone sobbing. Everyone is such a tragedy. Your roommate is getting a forced abortion and, still, the only thing you think about in your free time is how you can’t find someone who is boyfriend-worthy and that you may never see your best friend again. His dad is moving, of course, young parents don’t give a damn about what their kids want. Thats right go leave your kid without resources to do what you want, make your kid pay $600 because a grandkid doesn’t fit into her schedule. Everyone is such a tragedy. 

People are disgusting. Everyone cares more about themselves than anyone else. Except your roommate and what does she get for it? Her child kid. You sit there in that same bleak room you see every goddam day and you think as you sob. You think about everything that’s wrong in your life. How who you want isn’t who you want anymore, how you have finals in two days, how your roommate may never recover from this operation, how you will never see your best friend again, and you bawl. You think about every sad thing in the book, anything so you won’t stop crying, this may be the only time this week you feel any emotion at all so you cherish it.